TOP SIGNS YOUR FAVORITE NFL TEAM'S GOING TO SUCK!

Normally I'm not into a "top ten list", but with the NFL season right around the corner...and me being a lifelong Detroit Lions fan here's a list of reasons your favorite NFL team is gonna suck!

--Experts predict them to finish first . . . in the 2010 draft.

--The United Way raises money for them.

--The guys refuse to play Sunday nights so they can watch "True Blood".

--The only thing they hit with any authority is a bong.

--They spent their lone draft pick on Miller Genuine.

--They just signed Brady. WAYNE Brady.

--Just like you, they bought their jerseys in the mall.

--Jessica Simpson is nailing the quarterback.

--Before each game, Hank Williams Jr. sings "Are You Ready for Some Unintentional Laughter?"

--Their strength and conditioning coach? Michael Moore.

--The pads they wear include shoulder, elbow . . . and maxi.

--Terrell Owens won't even waste his time talking crap about them.

--The offense's pregame chant is "Three and out! That's what it's all about!"

--Instead of signing with them, Plaxico Burress shoots himself.

--The players don't feel comfortable in a helmet that doesn't hold two cans of beer.

--None of the players even picked themselves for their fantasy teams.

--Your favorite team is the Detroit Lions.