Monday, November 24, 2008

TV GUIDE'S TV'S TOUGHEST ACTION HEROES!



TV Guide Magazine has named Television's Toughest Action Heroes in the Nov. 17 issue, which hits newsstands on Thursday.

MacGYVER: Laugh if you must, there is nobody better at saving the day than the mulleted Mr. Wizard of explosive household items. Devoted to non-violence, Mac's scientific solutions to international crises and catastrophes showed us that brains can trump brawn, and that physics is handier than a handgun. Especially if it's crafted from an old apple core, a thumbtack and a length of duct tape.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: In every generation, there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against vampires, the demons and the forces of Darkness. She is the Slayer. And she raised the stakes for future teen titans by dispatching the undead with an acrobatic prowess and acerbic wit that was sharper than even her beloved weapon, Mr. Pointy.

JACK BAUER: Is it heresy that Mr. 24 isn't No. 1? Yeah, Jack-O's survived torture in a Chinese prison, pulled the U.S. from the brink of war and kicked smack, but let's be real: The man has only worked six days in the past seven years! Still, when the shizz goes down, we're doomed without this one.

SYDNEY BRISTOW: Next to the word "butt-kicking" in the Badass Dictionary is a shot of this chameleonic CIA spy. Whether she's blowing up cars or bustin' up the killer clone of her dead pal Francie, the only thing more vicious than Syd is the fact that Alias took such a beating in the ratings at the end of its five-season assault on the airwaves.

MAGNUM, P.I.: Despite the Ferrari, short-shorts and hideous Hawaiian shirts, this is not a guy you mess with. First off, he played college football and those dudes are monsters. Secondly, the chest hair? Total virility. And finally, before he landed the cushy gig as Robin Masters' personal dick, Thomas Magnum was a Navy SEAL during Vietnam, which means he could crush your windpipe faster than you can say "nice porn 'stache."

LA FEMME NIKITA: If sex is a weapon, then our girl was a nuclear warhead. Lithe, blonde and licensed to kill, the counterterrorist operative may have been forced into service to save her own hide, but she packed a major punch (literally) when it came to carrying out orders and looked so good in those slinky black outfits, it actually hurt.

WALKER, TEXAS RANGER: So muy macho, we're gonna skip the goofy tidbits about his alter ego Chuck Norris (he didn't really count to infinity twice) and focus our love on the Dallas ranger who used martial artistry to make his point. Walker doesn't sweat. He scares water out of his pores.

BRANDON WALSH: Who cares if he only threw, like, maybe three punches total during the original 90210's decade-long run? Between the ice-skating chick, the teen mom, the Latina in the witness protection program, the racist at the Beach Club, Andrea, Kelly, crazy Emily Valentine, Tracy, Susan and Valerie, this guy saw more "action" than everyone else on this list combined.

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS: Take one part leather bustier, two parts camp and a healthy dash of bellowing bad girl, and you get the ill-tempered Grecian goddess. She was better with swords than words, could throw down with the big boys like Hercules, and could still find special time for her BFF Gabrielle. They were just friends, right?

BIONIC WOMAN and SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN: Way cooler as a couple than the sum of their (electronic) parts, the track-suited duo with the slo-mo superpowers handily showed the Fembots and Bigfoot who was boss, without breaking a sweat. Which is a good thing, since that could have short-circuited them.

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